On deathbed advice/regret

Dec 29, 20252 min read

A common social media trope is posting advice from people on their deathbed. Usually about things they didn’t do. “I should’ve been more there for my loved ones” is a classic tune, “I should’ve cared less about what other people think” is another hit, usually culminating in the banger conclusion of “I should’ve done [a super specific personal thing like opening up a hobbyist store or buying a house in their favorite hinterland].”

I don’t value this kind of advice much, it’s too cheap. Just like complaining is just so cheap. Maybe there are good reasons at the time to not tackle the thing they are regretting, or they were too whiny in the first place to do transformative things. I think that’s my biggest problem with deathbed regrets, it feels like time-travelled whining about your life situation.

When chronic whiners annoy you — those who love non-stop complaining more than solving — mention that their complaint just became a top deathbed regret candidate. Or you can be polite and internalize that you are probably gonna hear about the same person on their deathbed advising the exact opposite of what they’re doing now. That way you can be just like me and whine about other people’s whining.

So yeah I don’t value regrets packaged as advice, especially from people who never acted on their advice — a.k.a. people on their deathbed. “The uncaught fish is always a big fish” is the appropriate Turkish saying1 that captures my mood.

Better advice comes from things people actually did. This is fundamentally because advice doesn’t work that well, but being a role model does.

Anyway, “be less on social media” is another advice/regret I am sure will be on people’s lips on their deathbeds. I’m sure because I hear it a lot. People are aware of this regret pre-deathbed and free to act on it now. Or they can just post on social media about deathbed regrets.

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Reflections on my first year writing full time

Dec 3, 20259 min read

It was on November 20, 2024, that I handed in my keys at the art gallery where I had worked and began writing full time. It has now been a year. Let me reflect on how it’s been.

But first, since this is a sort of yearly review, here are the ten most read essays this year:

  1. Sometimes the reason you can’t find people you resonate with is because you misread the ones you meet

  2. On agency

  3. Almost anything you give sustained attention to will begin to loop on itself

  4. Advice for a friend who wants to start a blog

  5. How I read

  6. When facing a complicated problem, don’t try to solve it, try to understand it

  7. The paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, I change

  8. When is it better to think without words?

  9. A list of books and essays that I love (this was paywalled when I published it, but I’ve unlocked it now)

  10. On the pleasure of reading private notebooks

Also, for those who are new here, these are the ten most popular pre-2025 essays on Escaping Flatland:

  1. Everything that turned out well in my life followed the same design process

  2. Looking for Alice

  3. Cultivating a state of mind where new ideas are born

  4. Childhoods of exceptional people

  5. Relationships are coevolutionary loops

  6. How to think in writing

  7. A blog post is a very long and complex search query to find fascinating people and make them route interesting stuff to your inbox

  8. Almost everyone I’ve met would be well-served thinking more about what to focus on

  9. Don’t sacrifice the wrong thing

  10. On having more interesting ideas

The main thing I remember, looking back, is how tired I was for the first three months after I quit my job. All through December, January, and February, I felt wrung out, empty, and sad. This came as a bit of a surprise to me. I had expected to be filled with energy now that I had reached my goal and finally had plenty of time to work on my projects.

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